Wednesday, March 8, 2017

A Midlife Crisis... or a LIFE Crisis?

I have been away from my blogging for far too long.
Not that I think anyone aside from myself actually reads it but...

I have been dealing with STUFF for 3 nearly years now that has brought me to a place in my life where...

I feel like I have no direction.
Or purpose.
Or.... well, I don't know what.

In a man of a certain age this feeling of being at loose ends would be called a 'Midlife Crisis'.

In a woman of this same certain age it is called... what?

My children are grown.
Some not quite all the way, like SIX who is a college freshman, still need me.
Others, like BratChild, believe that they are grown enough to live their own lives, and those lives do not really have room for me any more.

I had a job that I loved.
Then I couldn't do it any more.

I ended up in a position that I did not seek out and I thought I was doing a good job of it but...
suddenly I guess I wasn't.

I worked hard to get back my strength and the ability to do the things my job required so that I could resume doing what I loved.

So, back to my "REAL" job...
and then...
that was gone... again.

I watch TV and get great ideas for crafts and home improvements.
I read book after book... love those freebies on Kobo and Kindle...
and think about the book I will write.

I surf the net looking for a job...
I did freelance SEO content writing for several years so I thought I would look there...
If I do not know what the abbreviations and slang words mean...
I would guess that means I am no longer in that loop, right?

I think of things I would like to do with my life.
I think of things that I am passionate about.
I think of what I have to offer to others living their lives in turmoil and uncertainty and...

I sit, rooted to one spot...
Day after day...
Wondering how to make my LIFE CRISIS go away...
How to turn it into something positive that others will benefit from...
That I will be proud of...
That will give me a sense of purpose and satisfaction.

I have ideas.
But no idea how to make them work.
I had dreams...
and now... not so much.

My LIFE CRISIS is because I have forgotten how to dream...
how to have dreams for myself.

Yes, a man of a certain age goes out and gets a younger woman, a sexy car, a new wardrobe...
It's expected.
They have earned it they would say.

A woman gets grey hair, wrinkles and worry lines...
Sleepless nights wondering if her children are safe and happy...
Jobs are not readily available...
No one seems to want to listen to what they have learned over the years...
They are Old.
They are Obsolete.
They are made to feel as if their lives do not matter.

Forget the Midlife and focus on the LIFE...
Living each day as if what you do matters...
Taking the bad and making something good from it...

Those are my goals.
Not sure how to make them happen...
YET.

I am a work in progress and this Life Crisis is but one more in the long stream of them through the years...
I'll figure it out... I always do.

But seriously...
Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to be a man right about now.