Thursday, January 7, 2010

Are We There Yet? and other things kids ask when you're driving a car...

Yes- the title is exactly what I am posting about today.

I decided to make a list of the things my kids have asked me while I was driving, usually on a 6-lane highway, in rush-hour traffic... which is akin to driving in a NASCAR race and all the other drivers are chimpanzees!

(The names have been ommitted to protect the stupid...some of the answers are given, some, well if you really want to know email me! )

1) Mom, do YOU know what a BJ is?

2) It is SAFE SEX, right?

3) Where do babies come from? ... No- HOW DO THEY GET THERE?

4) If we get married now [insert boyfriend name] says we can live in [govt housing] for a couple hundred a month, and if we have a baby a year [the govt] will pay us to take care of them, and I will work [at part time dead end job] while he stays home with the kids and goes to college
at night because [the govt] will pay for it all... what do you think?

My answer- WTF? Are freaking kidding me! Your life plan is to live off of honest, hard-working
people who are barely getting by ... LIKE ME! And to have babies with [this guy]?

Her answer- ummm... I guess it doesn't sound as good that way.
(No, I did not pull over and beat some sense into her with my very heavy purse... but it was tempting!)

5) I don't think he was cheating with her, do You?

My answer- He was naked on the sofa with a girl who was half naked and you believe they were just 'watching tv'?

Her answer- well, ummm, no I guess not when you put it that way.
( no I did not pull over and beat her with my purse... and yes, she did eventually stop seeing him)

6) Mommy, why is my Pee-Pee hard when I wake up? (from 4 yo son)

My answer- I don't have one so I have no idea... go ask Daddy!

7) It's my room, why can't I have sex there if I want to??? (over 18 child still living in MY house so MY rules!)

My answer- If I can't then neither can you!

8) Which one of us kids do you love most?

My answer- I can't choose... I love you each for your own differences and personalities... although sometimes I don't LIKE any of you!

9) OMG MOM! Do you still do it? I mean Your'e OLD!!!!

My answer- you won't be getting any older if you do not shut up now...

10) WHY do I have to go to college?

followed by

11) Why isn't cutting grass a real job?

No answer was required. The cutting stare was enough to stop this entire conversation and it was never revisited again... Thank You WITCHY MOM face!

These are but a few of the more memorable questions my children have asked in their attempt to gain knowledge, or to cause me to wreck the vehicle and die... either one works.

The Joys of parenthood...
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