Thursday, December 31, 2009

Why am I thinking up New Year Resolutions I know I will never keep when I could be eating a big slice of pie?

Today is THE LAST DAY OF 2009...
And as such, many people will be taking stock in their lives and the year that is about to end in an attempt to find ways to make the new one better...

Well, what the HECK for? We all do this at some point in our lives... sit back and make a list of the bad things that happened to us, were done to us, were blamed on us...

I am only going to this say once... STOP!

Now is the time for all good people to OWN UP TO your short-comings, imperfections and poor decision making skills!

Now is when you should take a minute to tell yourself... 'I am human. I am not perfect. I can do better. I can do my best. I am not God but I can try to make him proud of me.' (if you do not believe in God please substitute Allah, Goddess, Creator, White Light, Mother Nature.. you know whoever you think is the guiding force in your life... even if it is that little voice in your head...)

I could sit here and type all the CRAP that everyone else is typing...
This year I will lose weight, I will stop smoking, I will pay my bills on time, I will tell my family I love them everyday...

But I decided I would make a REAL list for 2010... so here goes...

This year I will:
1- let me children live ... at least until their next birthday's... they just might start acting like human-beings and make me proud... It could happen!

2- stop worrying about how much I weigh and focus on how I feel... because I am not getting any younger and all that worry is just making wrinkly anyway

3- tell people that I love them... well, not the guy at the grocery store who ALWAYS puts my groceries in the trunk for me, even though he is 110 years old and my teens are just standing there picking their noses, or listening to their iPods; and not the mail lady who brings me tons of junk mail that I shred without opening and sometimes puts a bill or 2 in the middle of the junk mail so I don't know it's there and shred it without looking at it... accidently, of course.Or that guy at Jiffylube who changes my oil AND vacuums the WHOLE van, not just the front seat area. And he does all the windows... because even though I do, it could get weird, ok, really weird.

3- ammended- I will tell my family I love them as much as I can without actually telling a lie... that's as good as it gets... I did say I am trying to be honest here, right?

4- pay my bills on time... as long as I have the money to do so... or as soon as I get the money as long as they do not call me 10 times a day starting the week before payment is due cuz then I will just make them wait til the very last second to pay it ... because I can... or I don't have the money yet... either one

5- sell my house and move to southern realms where the sun is shining and it is warm... even in the winter... nuff said on that one... except maybe I should make sure people know my house is for sale...

6- make sure people know my house is for sale and it is a TERRIFIC house... cuz apparently my realtor is not getting that point across for me

7- not do anything not nice to my realtor, or any of the other ones who have not done anything productive to sell my house this year, and/or lied to me while not selling my house...

this list seems to be getting really long, and is taking on a negative vibe which I am sure is NOT GOOD for getting off to a good start for the new year...

So I will finish off my list with a REALLY positive wish/thought...

That all of my blogging and online friends have all the success and happiness they deserve in the coming year...( some deserve more than others so I'll leave it at that)

Happy 2010... may you live long and prosper... or at least live the average number of years and have regular paychecks coming in... whichever!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Sometimes I think about stuff that has no meaning at all but it still keeps me awake when I am supposed to be sleeping...

According to Girl-Child 25, there is a new reality show where some guys got together and made a Bucket List of things they want to do before they die.

This got me thinking, a 'tres dangerous' task most undoubtedly, about places I would like to visit before I die. Which of course had me making a list of the places NOT to visit so I could narrow down the TO VISIT places.

And this is what was in my head:

Places NOT to visit before I die-

1- Naples- the one in Italy, not Florida, because scientists have just discovered evidence that
4000 years ago it was under 4 feet of molten lava from Mt Vesuvius, and 2000 years ago
Pompeii disappeared and with the schedule being what it is it will choose the
day I am there to erupt...

2- Hawaii- especially the island with the volcano on it... I think that maybe volcanoes may have
something against me so I will be avoiding them...

3- Ditto for anywhere near Mt St Helen... but there really isn't anything out there to see anyway
so not a problem to Not visit there...

4- California - the Bay Area- no never mind- the whole state- if the mud slides or forest fires
don't get me then for sure the day I visit the BIG ONE will hit (earthquake that is) and the
whole frickin' state will break off and fall into the ocean and sink,just like Atlantis!





So that leaves me with Places I Want to Visit before I die:

1- Florida- but not the Everglades part where the alligators and Sasquatch / swamp ape thingys
live, or where they have hurricanes wiping everything off the face of the planet... the other
parts, like where Mickey and Minnie live

2- New Orleans- been there once but would like to go with my husband... but only during the Off
Hurricane season and only AFTER I lost about 60 pounds... that way if I WANT to show my stuff
to get some beads, MAYBE someone will be interested in looking at it... besides my husband,
who kind of has to no matter what since he is married to me

3- Wine Country of California- Ooops- nope! Forgot that state is off limits since it might
breakoff and sink into the ocean and I don't think I can tread water long enough to get help

4- Australia- Yep I want to go to Queensland- where ever that is- to see the Crocodile Hunter's
zoo- well Australia Zoo ... but no outback camping where Dingos or Crocs will get me...

5- Scotland/Ireland- I definitely want to see the places were my ancestors once lived- the ones
from the British Isles- not the ones from Germany and Poland... I don't trust those
governments enough to go there ... but Ireland and Scotland seem safe and they have all those
old castles and manor houses and giant sweeping green landscapes...

That's my list.. but wait, scratch #4 and #5 in the To Visit list because you can only get there by flying- well sure you can float there but really, I did say I can't tread water that long... and flying is not something I do well... 2 1/2 hours is about my limit then I better be able to leave the plane and walk on solid ground or the flight attendant person will be peeling me off the ceiling... if God wanted me to fly I would have been born one of the X-Men Mutants and live with Wolverine and Storm in that cool old castle somewhere in New York State... since I don't...

Guess that leaves me with a visit to Florida and Louisiana... That I can manage before I die. Several times most likely since I have family in Louisiana, and some kind of near Florida...
Whew! Load off my mind... now that my list is made I can spend more time enjoying and living life while I still can!

Monday, December 28, 2009

I love Doctor Who, the real one from last season, not the new one... I wonder if he makes house calls?


It's Official! Monday IS the BEST day ... of this week so far that is...
Why? you may ask... especially if you read my post on 'The Secret is in the Sauce' this morning.

The spawn of satan I begat actually ASKED before going to out to play AND the breakfast dishes were in the sink without any help from me! AND they (the 2 smallest spawn - 11 yo son and 12 yo dd) cleaned their rooms all by themselves... Heck they even put the dirty clothes IN THE HAMPER! WooHoo!
The water in the shower- the one I had to take to hide my tears after seeing The Anissa Love video on The Bloggess.com was HOT... I mean really and truly hot, like it made steam and everything!
The DH got himself up for work-- in a timely manner - which means he was on track to only be an hour late-- AND he MADE THE BED!!! I think I shall swoon from the shock!
The pies and cake in the fridge are all still intact... no late-night snacking from the bottomless pit otherwise known as The 20 yo son...
And the Teen From Hell (14 yo son)... he slept until NOON and then got up and MADE HIMSELF FOOD without any whining about there being NOTHING to eat!
And to top it all off the 25 yo Girl-Child offered to pick me up a Janet Evanovich book, or 2 !, from the library!

Did I tell you this was a great day or what?

But Wait!There's More!
And it is the VERY BEST PART!

I got comments on my BLOG from people not in the Friends and Family category... and you know what that means???

I am a writer... for total strangers and the whole world to enjoy!

Okay- maybe not the whole world, yet... but give me a little time to implement, er, begin, er, plan my World Writing Domination and then... well you better watch out for me!... or you could check back here now and again. Or subscribe as a follower and then tell 2 friends who can tell 2 friends who can... you know, like the Faberge Shampoo commercial from the 70's... not that I was alive in the 70's or anything...oh, I know about it cuz I saw it on ...YouTube, that's it... right?

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Someone actually said "Happy Christmas Day 2" to me yesterday and I thought, "Who the Hell made it into a Sequel? The original was painful enough!!!"

It's the Sunday morning, really really early, after Christmas and all through the house,
the family is snoring, scaring away every mouse.
The stockings are empty and the fireplace barren, OMG I walked past the mirror, what the HELL am I wearin'?
I just couldn't sleep, so I dressed in the dark, put on my glasses... after the socks.
My pj's are silk- well I pretend that they are, my sweater, it has holes in both of the arms, my slippers are cushy and warm inside, and as long as I don't pick up my feet when I walk, I do not slide.
There are no toys under the tree...Santa did not bring any, you see?
The kids have all outgrown bells and whistles, instead they got t-shirts, jeans (sorry, no downy thistles!)
And Santa, he came like he does every year, had some milk and a snack, then left some small trinkets, just a few, to spread some cheer ...
A Zhou Zhou Hamster for Rina, Nano Bugs for Sky and the game of LIFE for Xan, but for which they all cried, " I want to Play, Let me have a try!"

The leftover Duck, my very first one, is in the fridge and I hope will get eaten before it turns blackish-brown.

I think it's time for coffee and a slice of pie, shall I have Cherry or Pumpkin or Pecan, Oh My!
I pray that this is the hardest decision I must make today, alas I know it will surely not end up that way.

So Merry Sunday after Christmas! Have a great Day.... er, morning, uh, five minutes of peace before the kids awake... as they very soon may!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I just love the Great Pumpkin... Oh, Wrong Holiday...

There are 3 days until Christmas. Yep, only 3 more days til the kids whine about the obvious lack of electronic and digital gadgets under the tree... although I did tell them there would be no electronics this year. I even gave up the Wii Active Sports program my dear husband was getting ME for Christmas... because I told the kids NO ELECTRONICS!

So, here I sit in the middle of my bed, surrounded by unfolded laundry, waiting for my bedroom carpet to dry... Because I forgot that the only place to wrap the presents would be in my bedroom, on the floor, on the other side of the bed so the kids can't walk in and "accidently" see what I am wrapping but now I can't because the wrapping paper will get all wet from the carpet and then it will tear and ruin the gifts.

Instead, I am hoping the laundry will fold itself and the carpet will dry in record time and the presents will find a way to get wrapped without me having to do anything to them...

Yup, it is 3 days til Christmas and I am so not ready. But I will be. Seriously, everything will be perfect, or as perfect as I can make it, before the time to rip the pretty paper and bows from the not-electronic gifts comes.

The duck..I am roasting a duck for the first time ever at the request of my 20 year old son...God!I hope it turns out okay but just in case I have a spiral cut ham with pineapple and cinnamon glaze on the menu... Maybe I will roast a chicken too... just in case...
(my duck will look just like this... right?)

And I will stay up late making the dough for the cinnamon buns for Christmas morning and stay up until all the presents are wrapped and arranged, Just So, under the tree to await the smiling, if not exactly awake, faces of my children. Alright already, I will imagine them smiling ... my imagination is really very good you know...

I will attend church service with my husband and children Christmas Eve, then go back for the Candle Light service with my 20 and 25 year old kids. After we sing Silent Night, and extinguish the candles, we will stop at 7-11 for coffee and hot chocolate and this year's St Jude Bear...


and we will be silly and remember Christmases past- the presents, the people and the late -night wrapping sessions with It's a Wonderful Life playing non-stop til 5am!

When we get home I will put everything in place then take quiet time to reflect on this past year's goals and achievements and try to think of some new ones, that may actually be do-able, for next year.

Yes, there are only 3 more days until Christmas... and I can hardly wait!

In 72 hours my least-favorite day of the year will be over and life will go back to normal...
my kids will complain and whine and argue with each other... my husband will work too many hours too many days a week and I will continue to strive for the perfection that I THINK a wife and mother should have... a perfect house, perfect children, perfect husband...

OMG! I just became June Cleaver...

Well... maybe perfect isn't so perfectly wonderful after all... I mean just look what happened to the Beaver... you don't know?... well neither does anyone else... see my point?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Reading blogs only makes me jealous, then I get depressed so I should have just eaten the chips and dip to begin with...

This is for everyone who quotes song lyrics... girl of 16 whole life ahead of her slashed her wrists bored with life didn't succeed thank the lord for small mercies...
and YES this is one of my FAVORITE songs... another is NUMB by Linkin Park... And you all thought I was not DOPE!
Dope, for those not as DOPE as I, means the same thing as WAY cool, gnarly, and wicked, you know from back when you were a little kid, or at least younger and WAY cooler than you are now.
FaceBook is entertaining and I was concerned when I thought it had left me, but as I stated on my FB status FB hadn't REALLY left me, we were just taking a little break.
During that break I got caught up on some blogs I like ( written by people that are not me that is- although I am not totally sure I like the blogs I write).
Anyway, I read those while watching some DVR'd shows from last week... well I let them play so I can delete them without feeling bad about using up the DVR space on them in the first place.
So, anyhow, once I got caught up on the blog posts I realized that tons of people make comments about them. Like every single post had at least a dozen or more comments on them. And then I took a look at my blog and sure enough right there for all the world to see is ... nothing. Not one single comment.
Ok- I have like 5 people in the world who actually read what I post and most of them are family so I'm not exactly sure they count.
But maybe I am totally off base and more people read what I write, but are just so touched by my words as to be left speechless, or in the case of the internet, temporarily paralyzed from the wrists down?

Well- I got that little tic out of my system and now I want to find the tape of that song I was quoting , but now that I think about it even if I do find the cassette, I have no way to actually play it since the kids broke my boom box and the new van has satellite radio, a cd and 2 ( yes 2) dvd players, but no cassette player...
And now I am really bummed because I can't even download the song to my totally awesome iPod that my equally awesome husband bought me so I could listen to music or watch videos while at work, or at school functions where the music or play may not be as good as what I have on my iPod... but I can't because Not Me- the kid who lives here but is NEVER seen has apparently broken my 40gig ( i think that is what John said it is) iPod and this same kid who I DID NOT give birth to has evidently lost, or borrowed, or sold my iPod Shuffle- the one with my name engraved on it so I can prove to my kids it really is mine?... so now I have to see if I know anyone who may, or may not, have that song on a dvd so I can download it to the computer in my van so I can got outside for REAL music when the kids are playing that Sreamo crap that doesn't even have lyrics so can't really be called songs, now can they?
And you were wondering why my favorite songs are depressing???
Welcome to my life!

The Redskins won...FINALLY... and those Christmas shows on Cable

I spent Sunday on the couch, in my pajamas, watching tv, with my 25 year old daughter.
Because I could, that's why....

Anyway, we spent the afternoon hours with "The Countdown to Christmas" movies on Lifetime, LMN and Hallmark... and Man, was she mad at that Hallmark channel!

After the second movie in a row, where a main character was either maimed, mutilated or paralyzed in some tragic accident she was really, really ticked!

She even voiced her desire to "write a sternly worded letter" ( because that would get their attention, right?) to Hallmark about what a Christmas movie should have in it.
Then she went so far as to suggest that perhaps Hallmark should take a lesson from LMN, Lifetime and The Family Channel when picking out Christmas movies...( but don't the networks all take ideas from each other already? Maybe they were killing people off to be different...)

She may actually have a point there. Not one person on any of those network's movies died or suffered bodily injury the whole day. It's just so much happier and Christmas-ier when the people in the feel-good movie are all alive at the end in a Happily Ever-After sort of way, right?

We learned our lesson, and we learned it good... No, not that we shouldn't have spent the day on the couch, watching chick-flicks in our PJ's... Wrong lesson....
We learned that we should click on that INFO tab and read the whole thing to make sure no one dies BEFORE we start watching a darn Hallmark movie!

And that a day on the couch complaining about really dumb things, like people dying in Holiday films and whether the Redskins were really going to win , For Real this time (of course they could!)



and can you snore when you're awake (oh, and the answer to this one is YES, I CAN!) ... well, spending the day doing all those things was almost as good as one of those Holiday movies for recharging the old batteries.



It got me rested up and, if not raring to go, at least ready to muddle through another week of Holiday prep and last-minute crap.
And, it pulled my daughter out of her no-luck-finding-a-job funk ...for a little while anyway.

So, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah and, well, whatever it is you do in December...

And Remember!
Check for the dead people before you start watching a movie to make you feel better!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Mel Gibson in a kilt and Who is this Mulligan Anyway?

Do-over.

Is that a word?

I hear people say they wish they could be 16 again, or 18 or 30, but really, do they mean they want to go back and relive their lives, have a do-ver?

Or in the language of golf, a Mulligan? And who on earth decided to call it that anyway? I know golf was invented by the Scots but is Mulligan even a Scottish name? My vision of Mel Gibson in Braveheart, full on blue body paint with the wind blowing his kilt around his thighs as he is about to meet his enemy head on in battle, does not include a nine-iron and a little white ball being chased around a big green lawn.


I often wonder what exactly people wanting a do-over actually want to do-over. High school? College? Their first job? First real relationship?

80's hair, Flashdance sweats, pegged pants and lycra in everything was bad enough the first go-round.

High school was abysmal. I didn't fit in with any one group. I was in the band, the national honor society, played soccer, did indoor drill team and flag squad... and I had my first child. I had acquaintances, but no real friends, well except for Kelly and Ginger.
Aside from them all I did was go to high school, nursing school and work until graduation.

So the first marriage, and the second for that matter, didn't work out exactly as planned, but doing them again? Definitely not. My kids once asked if I have any regrets or wish I had done things differently, and honestly, I don't think I do.

I made the choices I made because they were what I had to do. Better insurance, better hours, more time with my kids, nicer neighborhood... these are things that have driven my decisions for the last 20-something years.
And if going back would mean changing my career or mean not having even one of my children, then I'd really rather not... unless... no, never mind...I'll keep the kids I got.

Maybe someone can figure out a way to send criminals back in time to re-live their teen years as punishment for their deeds? Having to be pimple-faced and insecure or abnormally large and clumsy or a geek again would probably fall under the cruel and unusual punishment category so it would most likely be unconstitutional.

A do-over, Mulligan or rewind... call it what you want. I'd rather take the hard-earned lessons my life has taught me and move forward. And hopefully find a way to spare my children the pain I had growing up... well not ALL the pain, but a lot of it certainly.

Because without those lessons and experiences I may not have ever made it to THIS place and time and let's face it, the known is better than the unknown any day...I shudder to think of the mess my life could have ended up in. Okay, the bigger mess...

Living in the Now is certainly hard, but living in the Then would be, well, totally so Not Awesome.
But if someone comes up with a way to get my THEN figure back without a gym, dieting or having to work for it... then Sign Me Up!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Happy December! or The Sky is Falling, or the World is Ending, or something like that... Right?

Yes, I did say "Happy December". Why? Why not?

December is a turning point in the year for us Mid-Atlantic folks. The weather is just beginning to feel winter-like (note to my kids-this means a jacket of some sort is REQUIRED to keep out the rain and cold) and the Chesapeake is starting to look deserted and lonely, as the fair-weather, recreational boaters put their skiffs and fishing boats, sail and motor boats, in dry dock and shrink wrap, to ride out the cold months ahead.

The local farmer's fields have been plowed under; only the remnants of pumpkins and cabbages along the edges to remind one of the abundant bounty harvested only a short time ago.

The advent of December brings too, the advent of the Christmas season- in the religious sense as well as the actual sense.

Shopping for holiday gifts, whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa or all 3, there are shops peddling their wares at every turn. And if that is not enough, you can shop on-line, from the comfort of your home, in your pajamas, anytime!

And with the advent of the shopping season comes the eagerly anticipated arrival of... the UPS guy! or the Fed Ex person, or the Mail Carrier... whomever it is that will be bringing the wonderful deals you got on-line home to you, along with the gifts FROM family and friends!

People seem to smile more and greet one another on the street with warm and genuine care... oh, wait, that was on a Lifetime movie... rewind...

People are pushy, rushed, grouchy and, sometimes even down-right nasty. But, as the last holidays of the year approach you may catch a glimpse of that Good Will and Cheer you heard mentioned in songs all month long. You may even get a smile and a nod from a stranger as you stop to hold the door for them ( which is a hint that you NEED to hold doors for people, people!), and you just might find yourself dropping more than a few pennies in the Salvation Army Santa's bucket on your way into Wal-Mart...

Okay, sorry, I got carried away, again!

But seriously, December brings with it the beginning of a new season, and the end of a year. As it winds down it brings hope and renewed optimism for a better, brighter year to come...

So, Happy December! for where would we be without it?

A whole month closer to 2012 and the end of the world is where! ... now that's moving things along just a little too fast, don't ya think? That Nostradamus guy just might have gotten it right, although I think the Mayans just forgot to leave instructions on where the reset button for their calendar is... no biggie, just find it, hit it like you do the snooze button and the count-down to armageddon will start all over again at 26,000 years!

Now go out and Enjoy December 2009, cuz when it's gone, it's GONE!