Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I think I can't hear you

Yep- that's what I said.
I am sitting on the front porch trying to enjoy the patch of sun, unsuccessfully I might add, while watching several house wrens check out the silk plants I have hanging on the front porch for them to nest in. It saves the real plants from total destruction when the babies hatch out and tear out the roots attempting to flap their wings. I can see the little beaks moving, but I can't seem to hear them. I have been dealing with a stuffy head and clogged sinuses for far too many days now. My head feels like a medicine ball perched atop my neck and my poor nose is raw from all the tissue (read: napkins) I have gone thru the past week.
The only sound I seem to be able to hear is the rushing water sound in my ears when I tilt my and a loud Snap, Crackle, Pop when I try to clear my throat.
I sure would love it if Spring would actually catch up to the calendar. The warmth and clean air would do wonders for the allergy-induced sinus pain and pressure and perhaps would get my ears unplugged. I would soooo like to be able to enjoy the sounds of Spring this year!
Time to take some more allergy medicine and lay down for a nap before the kids come stomping up the front steps and add more pressure to my already pounding head.
Anyone know if there is a cure for loud kids? If so, please send some my way!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A Home, not a House

As many of you know, our house is for sale. Anyone interested in buying it please contact me! No, seriously it is for sale and since the weather has not warmed enough for the flowers and trees to show off yet, I thought I would write a letter for potential buyers to let them know just what surprises are in store for them as the seasons unfold.
As I thought about the cherry blossoms, flowering crab apple, crepe myrtle and peach blossoms; the wisteria, trumpet vine and honeysuckle that create a living fence and attract hummingbirds and butterflies from as far away as South America thru the spring and summer; the wild butterfly bushes and magnolias that bloom mid June thru mid August and scent the air with their slightly spicy and oh so wonderful fragrances that we enjoy sitting pool side on sunny days, I realized that this is more than a house, it is a HOME.
Within these walls family and friends have found a place of security and love when they needed it. Engagements have been made; babies celebrated; graduations from pre-school, elementary school, high school and college have been rejoiced; love and life have been experienced and welcomed.
My 3 youngest children were born to this home. Having never lived anywhere else they are a little apprehensive about moving, but the prospect of living near their grandmother and cousins does help. For me moving is a chance to make life more relaxed and simple. To give us time to enjoy each other and live life the way we want to instead of living to pay the bills and keep up with the ever changing economics of our part of the country.
My hope is that the next owner of this home will appreciate the love that has been given and received here, and will find the same for their family and friends.
I know that when we move we will miss this place, but our HOME will move with us because Home IS Where the Heart Is.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

FACEBOOK.... ummm yeah I do have a life

Ok- Facebook has taken over the world... or so it seems. In recent weeks my friend list has gone from 50-something to over 150! And the number of posts I send and receive daily has quadrupled!
Why is it that one-liners and witty quips over the internet have so many people addicted?
I for one find it is easier to "connect" with people from my past with a certain air of anonymity. Yes, you remember them, and yes they remember you, but it could be awkward trying to find a common interest if meeting for lunch or at the mall after years of not being in each other's realm. But via the safety of the internet we can say things that we may not say in person, we can discuss issues with multiple people and get input and ideas that test our own sense of self without putting us "out there" where we would ultimately end up feeling foolish.
Online you can say "oops!" but in person... not so much.
I for one find that I say what I think, and feel more like myself when conversing with people online than I do in person. I am actually quite shy. I do not make friends easily and this bothers me. I also always feel like I do not quite belong, no matter the crowd. In high school I was in the band, played soccer, went to vo-tech, was in the national honor society, hung out at lunch in the smoking section... I knew people in every social clique, but I never felt as if I belonged in any of them. I did not hang out with people from school after school hours and I did not keep any friends from school after graduation. Except one. She was, and is, my best friend since the first grade. We only talk once or twice a year and she is still my best friend. That makes me sad and makes me wish I knew how to make friends in real life, not just online.
Perhaps this era of the WORLD WIDE WEB and FACEBOOK and BLOGGING will help all of those who lost track of friends and who want to make new friends. Perhaps it is not a bad thing. Perhaps, just maybe, it will help people like me to find the place where they belong and feel comfortable, not just sitting at a keyboard, but in the real world, face to face, interactions with people who have common pasts and common interests.
I can only hope that this will happen for me... either that I will have to join a 12 step program to kick the "FACECRACK" habit and will find myself sitting at home staring at the tv wondering what the rest of the world is doing... ok that's not gonna happen!
But FACEBOOK and it's ilk in moderation... sound like a good idea to me.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Letting Go...

Today my almost 12 year old daughter left for a weekend trip without a family member in attendance. She is going to the Maryland Rainbow Girl Grand Assembly with 3 girls from her Rainbow Assembly. She was terribly excited and ready to be a part of the group. She, who we affectionately call 'GothGirl' needed to pack only light colored skirts, blouses and dresses - or what we call Rainbow-appropriate clothes- for the weekend. We spent ALL DAY last Saturday shopping for the proper attire and although it was not without it's minor battles, it was a fun and enlightening day. The best part was when her father saw her wearing the dress she chose for the first time. He wanted to know if bodysnatchers had taken his daughter... she laughed but was really happy that her Dad was so obviously thrilled with how she looked. Okay, realistically we know the black clothing and hair over one eye and blank stares will return, but he definately enjoyed seeing another side of her.
So off she went with her Rainbow friends for a fun-filled weekend and here I sit wondering if she will be ok alone- I mean without a family member there. I am sure she is less affected by this step toward her independence than I am, and I guess that is what bothers me most. But then I guess that is also what makes me positive that she will do well. The fact that she is unafraid to be off on a Grand Adventure and secure in the knowledge that in an emergency her family will be right there lets me know that maybe I haven't screwed up too badly raising her thus-far. If only I can keep it up through her high school years I think I will be okay... Her, I have no doubt about, me on the other hand... I can only hope I can keep letting go and giving her the chance to take these baby steps toward being her own person.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Dawning.....welcome to my journey

I call the decade that was my 30's my 'Lost Years'.

I was dealing with custody issues after my divorce, got remarried and was either having a baby or had just had one for the first several years.

After that I was working full time, as was HeMan Hubby, who was also going to school full time, while trying to deal with babies, bills, and the trials and tribulations of teenagers.

I was waiting for the life I had expected to have by that point in time to start... and more than a little bewildered that it had not.

As I neared the end of that decade I was diagnosed with several problems that had been problems for years, but had not been taken seriously.

I agreed to the hysterectomy my doctor had recommended for 10 years.
I was diagnosed with first, Fibromyalgia.
Then Lupus. 

As a nurse I had heard of both of these. I was a bit disconcerted as the former was not considered a "real" disease by many physicians, and the latter was not really understood by the world at large although millions of people have it.

Thus my 30's came to an end leaving me feeling as if I had spent the last 10 years living in a fog, on auto pilot , without really living the life I had expected.

Looking back,  I realize that is exactly what I had been doing.
Living on autopilot, as had HeMan Hubby
We were doing what we had to do to provide for our children. 
Yes, our marriage remained intact, but not without work on both our parts. 
And yes, the years spent sacrificing were worth it. 

Going back to school enabled him to enter a new career field in which he excels.
And I am able to spend more time with my children , enjoying the young people they are becoming.

As I begin this decade that is my 40's,  we are more financially stable than we have ever been. And with luck and hard work, we will be able to manage through these tough economic times.

I look at the coming decade as my " Dawning Years"
I am learning to be more than a wife, a mother, a caregiver... I am learning the Who I am that is behind all of those labels.

I think that I shall like this person very much and I hope that you, my friends, will too.