Tuesday, July 31, 2018

Super Heros have Birthdays Too!

Dear HeMan Hubby,
Today is 2 months and 9 days since you left.
Today is your birthday... the 1st one without you here to tease me about still being older than you even though today makes , or made, us the same age...
A lot has changed. A lot is changing.
When I think of how we spent Valentine's day this year talking about our plans to move to Florida when you were well...and how a week later everything started to unravel...
You you went from having 15 to 20 years to maybe 5 years to 6 maybe 9 months... and then you were gone... just 3 months and 8 days after we made those plans to move... when you were well.
You are well now. Not here with me like we planned... but you are well and whole and no longer in pain... which is what I prayed for every day since your diagnosis.
It just came in the one way I didn't want it to come.
But my birthday wish for you came true... you are well.
I know you are with me.
I feel you in my heart and see your smile in our children's smiles, and when I am alone in our room I feel you beside me, holding me and hear you telling me it will all be okay... I miss you more then I thought could be possible but I am okay, because you are with me.
I love you.
HAPPY 52nd Birthday to the love of my life, the one who made me whole and made me feel loved every minute of every day.
I miss you John LeeRoye Bassford and dream of the day when we will be together again...
You are...
And will always be...
My Super Hero
Link to BratChild's facebook tribute to her SuperHero Dad! 

Monday, July 23, 2018

The best laid plans of Doctors and men...



HeMan Hubby began his Immunotherapy treatment trial on July 13th.

Related image
He had an infusion every 3rd Thursday thru the month of August.

Mid-August there was a scan that showed no change in the original lung tumor...

Side effects of the medications were minimal...
Slight fatigue on Saturday and Sunday following the infusions...
minor aches and swelling in many of his joints...

Surgery to remove the lung tumor and a small lymph node next to it was scheduled for August 30th.

Pre-op was great. Saw the rheumatologist who said the joint pain was arthritis triggered by the immunotherapy drugs... 
not uncommon at all.

Surgery day came and the plan was for the lower lobe of the left lung to be removed...

2 hours into the surgery the doc came out to see me...
This is not good when the surgery should have been 6 hours long...

The look on his face said it all...
When he had taken the lung out and turned it over to visualize where the cut should be...
a small area of 6-8 tiny pin-point sized spots was visible in his peripheral vision on the chest wall behind the lung...

Biopsies were done and they were positive for cancer cells.

Oh crap! 

So, he made the decision to put the lung- un-cut and in it's original state- back into HeMan HUbby's chest ...

The post-op meeting with Cancer Doc was not great...
but then, it was not bad either.
The tiny area was still in the left chest so the cancer hadn't gone far...
the areas appeared to not be active...
meaning they were very likely dead ,like the original tumor appeared to be...

The immunotherapy seemed to be killing the cancer as predicted so it made sense to continue the immunotherapy protocol ...

Okey Dokey then! 

More scans and labs and samples were done, taken, collected for the research trial...
Everything was wonderful...
no other signs of anything...
ANYWHERE! 
Yay!

Every 3rd Thursday HeMan Hubby had infusions...
and bloodwork, and stool samples and urine samples and spit samples taken...
for DNA, for research, for health monitoring...

HeMan Hubby was so healthy it was insane.
Cumberland Island,GA wild horses and ruins on kayaking trip
So much so that we went to Florida in mid-October for a week of hiking, biking and an all day kayaking and hiking trip to Cumberland Island.
He felt great...
a little stiffness in his shoulder from the surgery and a little pain in his knees and shoulder on occasion from the arthritis...
But he looked wonderful.
He felt like a million bucks.
He was living his life and enjoying every minute of it.

The scans in November showed some inflammation in the shoulders and knees from the arthritis..
no cancer anywhere but that pesky little lung thing...

December was the same so it was decided that immunotherapy would end and that a few rounds of chemo would start in January ...
'Just to make sure it's all really dead' 

HeMan Hubby cleaning off  the van to head to chemo
January 11th... my 52nd birthday...
Chemo started.
A low-level drug regimen given every 3 weeks...





February 22nd... 
routine scans before the final chemo dose ...


And the plans of Doctors and men came to a screeching halt!

Thursday, July 12, 2018

The Worst Words You'll Ever Hear...

You would think that hearing the words, " You have cancer", would be the worst thing you could ever hear...
But you would be wrong...
Very wrong.

How do I know this, you may ask.

I know because 1 year and and 68 days ago the doctor told us that my husband, HeMan Hubby, my personal SuperHero had lung cancer.

The very next words were very positive and reassuring that this was treatable, even curable.
I mean, a 50 year old man with one small tumor in the bottom of his lung and no other health issues was the ideal candidate for cancer, if there is such a thing.

Treatments could be aggressive, because, hey, his body was SuperHero healthy, except for the pesky little cancer thing.

And, with the new immunotherapy regimens, and the newer DNA- targeted chemo drugs, 95-98% of lung cancer patients are, if not cured, then put into a state of cancer inactivity...
a dormancy, if you like, that meant HeMan Hubby had a projected outcome of 15 or 20 more years..
possibly even longer with the new treatments and screenings coming out every year.

Image result for John hopkins kimmel centerSo, we sat in the office of the cancer doctor and learned about the newest treatment protocol trials about to start.

We heard how HeMan Hubby was an ideal patient because his cancer was not advanced and he was so young and healthy and that the 2 immunotherapy drugs on their own had 75-95% cure rates so...
when given together the rate could only be improved upon...

The wonderful cancer doc then asked if HeMan Hubby would be interested in this trial...

HeMan Hubby, in perfect SuperHero form, responded...
" Well, I gotta get some sort of treatment, right? And this trial may help find a way to cure more people, right?... so, what's there to think about, sign me up."

And that people, as they say, was that.

The doc went over the how's and when's and why's and where's of the treatment plan...
then he sat back and in his lovely Irish accent asked if HeMan Hubby had any questions for him...

And well, you KNOW he did...

"1- So Game of Thrones starts July 16th... and my treatments on July 13th... will I be feeling well enough to be able to watch the season premier?"
Image result for game of thrones
Ok... Cancer Doc, did I mention he is Irish? - was a bit taken aback by this very non-clinical question...
and not knowing HeMan Hubby's sense of humor, answered very seriously...
"Yes, you may be a bit fatigued, but you should be feeling well enough for television"

Cancer Doc then says...
"Ah, you had 2 questions?"

Then, he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, a very serious look on his face, hands steepled together in a very doctorly manner, and looked HeMan Hubby in the eye...

And then question #2...
"So, after the trial... Ummm, what super power will I have? Because I'm thinking I want to be Deadpool... "

At this the doc sat back in his chair, looked to the Research Nurse, the Lovely Ms. S, and shook his head ever so slightly, with a more than slight look of bewilderment on his face.

But, never fear ,the Lovely Ms. S took control and with a smile said...

"Unfortunately, none...
these are not new drugs being used in the trial, but rather drugs currently being used that successfully treat your kind of cancer...
the trial is basically seeing how they do when used concurrently, er, together...
And, sadly, no one to date has reported any Super Hero powers from the use of either of these drugs, but , hey... ?"

And that is how we began our journey into the world of cancer.

Image result for deadpool



Wednesday, March 8, 2017

A Midlife Crisis... or a LIFE Crisis?

I have been away from my blogging for far too long.
Not that I think anyone aside from myself actually reads it but...

I have been dealing with STUFF for 3 nearly years now that has brought me to a place in my life where...

I feel like I have no direction.
Or purpose.
Or.... well, I don't know what.

In a man of a certain age this feeling of being at loose ends would be called a 'Midlife Crisis'.

In a woman of this same certain age it is called... what?

My children are grown.
Some not quite all the way, like SIX who is a college freshman, still need me.
Others, like BratChild, believe that they are grown enough to live their own lives, and those lives do not really have room for me any more.

I had a job that I loved.
Then I couldn't do it any more.

I ended up in a position that I did not seek out and I thought I was doing a good job of it but...
suddenly I guess I wasn't.

I worked hard to get back my strength and the ability to do the things my job required so that I could resume doing what I loved.

So, back to my "REAL" job...
and then...
that was gone... again.

I watch TV and get great ideas for crafts and home improvements.
I read book after book... love those freebies on Kobo and Kindle...
and think about the book I will write.

I surf the net looking for a job...
I did freelance SEO content writing for several years so I thought I would look there...
If I do not know what the abbreviations and slang words mean...
I would guess that means I am no longer in that loop, right?

I think of things I would like to do with my life.
I think of things that I am passionate about.
I think of what I have to offer to others living their lives in turmoil and uncertainty and...

I sit, rooted to one spot...
Day after day...
Wondering how to make my LIFE CRISIS go away...
How to turn it into something positive that others will benefit from...
That I will be proud of...
That will give me a sense of purpose and satisfaction.

I have ideas.
But no idea how to make them work.
I had dreams...
and now... not so much.

My LIFE CRISIS is because I have forgotten how to dream...
how to have dreams for myself.

Yes, a man of a certain age goes out and gets a younger woman, a sexy car, a new wardrobe...
It's expected.
They have earned it they would say.

A woman gets grey hair, wrinkles and worry lines...
Sleepless nights wondering if her children are safe and happy...
Jobs are not readily available...
No one seems to want to listen to what they have learned over the years...
They are Old.
They are Obsolete.
They are made to feel as if their lives do not matter.

Forget the Midlife and focus on the LIFE...
Living each day as if what you do matters...
Taking the bad and making something good from it...

Those are my goals.
Not sure how to make them happen...
YET.

I am a work in progress and this Life Crisis is but one more in the long stream of them through the years...
I'll figure it out... I always do.

But seriously...
Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to be a man right about now.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Election Day... otherwise known as a day off school

Election Day... the Primaries

Here in Maryland for Primary elections you can only vote for the candidate for your own party.

And this is where it gets tricky.

My husband and I are not of the same party.

I do not care for my candidates...
and he does not care for his candidates.

So...yeah... to vote or not to vote???

But... the good news is that today is a no school day for public schools.
And this is good news how, you may be asking yourself...

It is great news because it means that I did not have to get up at 0-dark-thirty to wake anyone else up so they could get to school on time.

Yay Me!
I slept all the way until 7am...
Then I got to spend the morning with our new grand daughter...
McCutie
while her mom, BratChild, went to her college classes.

Yes- it was Election Day...
But more importantly it was...
GET TO SLEEP IN FOR JUST A LITTLE BIT DAY!

Hope you enjoyed yours...

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Happy Veteran's Day... What?




Veteran's Day.                                                           Soldiers Tribute to the Troops- Coming Home
November 11th.                                                                    

The day to remember those who have fought so that the rest of us could go shopping?

Alrighty Then.... time to set the record straight!                                                                                
That is not what they gave their all for...
But sometimes that's exactly what it feels like.

Does no one care that to reduce Veteran's Day and Memorial Day and even September 11th to BIG SALE DAYS is to reduce the importance of what those who are to be honored really did?

So...
For all those Veterans that are currently living ...
WoundedWarriorProject.org -- Beautiful- Eminem
Those with families who await word from them while they are deployed...
Those who are working right along side the rest of us and never even tell us that they are Veterans...
Those who are homeless and only want someone to care enough to give them shelter...
Those who are injured and fighting harder to become the men and women they were before than they ever did on a battle field... whether those injuries are visible or not...

Those from WWI and II and Korea and Viet Nam and Concorde and Gettysburg and Mogadishu and Tikrit and all those places we simple Americans do not even know about....
This post is for them all...
The living and the dead.

                                                                                               A Soldiers Memoir- by Joe Bachman
                                                                                                 

Image result for a soldier's memoir joe bachmanThe links are found easily on Facebook and YouTube...

The sentiments are completely and honestly how I feel...

Enjoy them... Cry, laugh, be outraged, be compassionate...

But most of all remember that without all of these BRAVE and SELFLESS people from the beginning of America until NOW...
Without them there would be no America ...
Or at least not an America worth fighting for.

More Video Tributes:
Fallen Soldier Tribute -- See You Again - WhizKhalifa
8th November 1965... Tribute to 173rd Airborne
US Military Tribute -- Far Away -Nickelback
A Tribute to Chris Kyle
Soldiers Light by Rylee Preston
US Marine David Thibodeaux

Last but not least and MY FAVORITE:
Some Gave All -- Billy Ray Cyrus



SUNSET TAPS

Image result for sunset taps


Here is the link to a post I did several years ago about the 
History of Veteran's Day

To All the Veteran's in my life... THANK YOU.... AND GOD BLESS YOU

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Once Upon A Time... or something like that

Once upon a time...

What seems like a long, long time ago....

A girl decided to put pen to paper ( well, actually words on a blog)
in an attempt to figure out exactly her purpose in life actually is...

And thus, Dawneing, the blog was born.

Somewhere along the way Color me Thin-
A blog about that girl's attempts to lose weight came into existence.

And then, along came Color me Crafting...
yet another blog. This one with crafting and homemaking ideas---
think Martha Stewart without the TV studio and people to do the actual farming and cooking and organizing for her...

As with all of her endeavors, she had high hopes of creating something...
that someone...
somewhere...

Just might find entertaining,
or perhaps, enlightening,
or maybe even worth visiting more than once.

But, as with most good intentions...
LIFE got in the way.

So, once again, she finds herself at a place in her life that is not quite what she had thought it would be.
Not going according to plan, as it were.
Not that there was ever really a plan at all.
Just a sort of take each day as it comes and hope for the best kind of thing.

And the best?
Well, it doesn't just happen now, does it?
The best is something one must work at,
like a marriage or a job, to get what they want.

Once upon a time....
There was a girl who wanted to figure out where she fit in the grand scheme of things...

And apparently, she still is.